Bah Humbug

Do you know what an alternate narrative is?

Consider someone embracing a belief their whole life to one day learn that everything they believed to be true was in fact not true. Not only can that be devastating, it may also be very humbling.

To children, Santa Clause is the protagonist. He’s their hero at Christmas time. Some parents use the tale of good Ol’ Chris Kringle to coerce their children to be mindful of their own behavior. “Santa is watching…” they’ll remind these kids. Exploitation, I call it. Taking advantage of a child’s naivety!

Shucks! Other parents insist on getting all of the recognition for the toys they struggle to put under the tree. The gall of even hinting that some mythical creature could get credit for undertaking such a task at one of the toughest financial times of the year. To them, it is preposterous! My parents certainly weren’t having it!

“Santa?? I bought these gifts! Now share with your little sister!!” they’d say. I don’t even have a little sister!!!

Here’s another altered narrative:

“It’s better to give than to receive…” Sounds convincing. It’s a noble idea. I say it’s better to re-gift unneeded presents. You may gasp, but do you know what’s more practical than throwing thoughtful gifts away? I’ll tell you…Finding a new home for them and saving me the effort of buying you a gift that you don’t need! If gift giving is supposed to be symbolic, let’s bring back the fruitcake!

And the children…

The cute little believers (of whatever we tell them) grow a sense of entitlement as they pen LISTS of gifts they hope to receive. They are not that gullible, but they know an opportunity when they see it. The cleverest kids know to ride that Santa train until the wheels fall off. It’s the naive ones that are devastated when they learn the truth…

Just the other day some kid mocked me by suggesting that I looked like the Black Santa. Bah Humbug!

“Is Santa real?”

“Of course he is, kid! I am Santa!!!

“Haven’t you heard the song? I was kissing your mom last night. Didn’t you see me??? Ho! Ho! Hoe!

Don’t get me started on how that song ruined my earliest understandings of how single moms meet the demands of their children whilst juggling the child support from varying fathers. That’s right! I said it! Bah humbug!

I wish I would catch some dude impersonating a reverse-thief. Breaking and entering to gently place gifts under an over-decorated tree. The family pets would have a field day with this guy.

For Heaven sake, must we perpetuate lies to the same kids that we insist on developing discerning minds? Who do these holiday tales really serve? To be honest with you, I’m glad my kids are grown. I pray they don’t cast this crap on their own kids one day. Do grand-moms ever tire of wiping the tears away once the truth comes out. I bet grandpa doesn’t. Bah humbug!

The best Christmas story EVER is the Christmas Carol. Good Ol’ Ebineezer wasn’t entirely wrong about wasting money on foolish things. If only one of those ghosts could have massaged the idea of hand-made gifts.

Tiny Tim’s ailment was a common one for even wealthy families back on Jolly Ol’ England. Money doesn’t cure birth defects, disease, or injuries. Faith, love, and compassion is all you need. Well, maybe a little health insurance and a good doctor wouldn’t hurt.

But let’s not loose focus here.

Santa is part of a belief system. Akin to religious ideals, a child’s belief in Santa is not much different to an adult’s belief in Christ, Buddha, Mohammed, or the Hindu…protagonist. Forgive me. My ignorance wains. Do Buddhists have a watered down juvenile tale by which they indoctrinate their children? I’m asking for a friend (that friend being my inner most uncaring self). How about Muslims? Do they lie to their kids too? Don’t get me started on how other religions guilt their kids. You know which ones I’m referring to…

Bah humbug!

If reading this has somehow offended you, I’m intrigued that you’ve suppressed your triggers to read this far. For the record, it’s neither an indictment of religion nor a criticism of beliefs. In fact, it’s cynicism. Only that! Well that and an excuse to say Bah Humbug a few more times.

Alternative narratives offer us a chance to consider a story from a different perspective. If you think that is crude and radical, than Bah Humbug to you too! Now bring me some figgy pudding. 🎅

Danelo Cavalcante

As of September 2023, we’ve heard more about this fugitive than any other since Andrew Cunanan. For those of you who don’t recall, Andrew Cunanan murdered Gianni Versace. At 28 years old, this man killed his lover who was a fashion mogul. He fled to South Jersey, allegedly killed a farmer, and stole his pickup truck. He made the FBI’s most wanted list and landed a spotlight on America’s Most Wanted. Everyone was on the lookout for this guy. He was spotted everywhere and yet no one could catch him. At one point, I was even approached by local law enforcement because I bared a light resemblance and happened to walking down the street in the middle of a heatwave. As you might imagine, plenty of people “fit the description.”

Cavalcante, on the other hand, is so elusive that I was certain that those hunting him would kill him dead before they apprehend him alive. There will be no due process (again). There will be no arrest, hearing, or sentencing. Everything about this manhunt spelled “cowboy.” The officials who’d been interviewed daily assured that this man would be brought to justice. They conveyed that they would push him hard so that he would make a mistake. But when he stole a van, got a hold of a gun, and made various stops in his old stomping grounds, the demeanor of the American public grew grim. At this point, anyone with a Ring Door Camera was armed and ready to shoot anyone who enticed their trigger finger. Someone was going to get hurt!

We have a peculiar justice system. Traditionally, law enforcement ensures due process only after the threat to the community has been neutralized. We’ve seen too often that “fake threats” to public safety result in shots fired even when the suspect has no weapon. But in this case, Cavalcante was a martyr by which an example would be made. The correction officer who was supposed to be watching, the one whose sole responsibility was to prevent an escape from occurring, had been fired within days. Cavalcante’s sister was suspected as helping him and was quickly deported. The county-wide manhunt turned into a region-wide manhunt. His escape was covered on the Nightly News.

Water cooler conversations varied from “I hope they catch him soon…” I hope they never catch him…look at him go!” It wouldn’t be long before the entire fiasco turned into either a reality television show or a debate about the American Penal System.

News media had been making progress in not turning outlaws into celebrities. Thirty years ago, criminals like the Unabomber defined infamy. We knew far more than we ever thought we needed to know about criminal intent, manifestos, and penology. We had almost stopped sensationalizing anti-social behavior. And then Danelo Cavalcante showed up.

Either way, it’s all over now. He’s caught. The excitement has ended. Now the region will focus on what is deemed more important like sports, about the Eagles’ home opener, or whether the Phillies have a chance to make it to the series.

Sweet Child of Mine

Sweet child of mine, I’ve tried hard to model for you what resilience looks like. I’ve demonstrated the work necessary to have great things; intangible things like satisfaction and integrity; things earned like success and value; things practiced like manners and dignity. Some of these things you’ve accepted. Others you’ve rejected.

To those things you’ve accepted, ask yourself why. Why have you adopted those characteristics that were not merely inherited? The choices you made were your own, right? Limited only by the environment that I’ve raised you in, why won’t you take ownership of your actions? What entitlements have you claimed that I could not also utilize? After all, aren’t we within close proximity? How ridiculous would it look for me to do what you do?

To those things you’ve rejected, also ask yourself why. Why haven’t those parts of my character made their way into your daily life? Do you perceive my ways as too old fashioned or simply too hard? I assure you, I wasn’t born this way. Even my bad attributes are the result of years of practice (or neglect).

I am almost amused when you ask me what will be yours when I die. To ask questions like this, you must see something that you like. It’s a little premature to wonder about your inheritance though. Does this work both ways? While we are both still alive, can’t I borrow attributes from your world too? If I can’t have your things, can I at least behave the way you do? Or is that “too cringe?”

Don’t worry. I would never… I don’t tamper with your world for two reasons. First, I have my own. Second, yours is all that you have. It’s all you’ve learned to use (so far). And frankly, I’d be bored flexing in a world that I’ve already mastered.

Your world and mine are separated by stages of maturity. The mixing of the two would leave us both in a state of flux. Adults who play with toys (and childish things) constantly have stunted growth. Children who operate in realms beyond their maturity are learning. Mistakes will be made; and that is welcomed.

But when I stop you from doing something, ask yourself why. And then realize that you might have an idea, but also realize that you might be wrong. Accept being wrong sometimes. It’s a stage of growth. Beware being right OR wrong all the time. It speaks to being disillusioned or of having low self esteem. You are better than that.

We are different but we are so similar in ways. Like every child who one day becomes a parent, you too will behave similarly, sound in a familiar way, or do those very things that you said you’d never do. Embrace it or be repelled by it. There are some things that are facts of life.

Sweet child of mine, neither of us asked for what we have. We are required to make the best of our circumstances. We are rarely asked to like those circumstances. Work through them regardless. You’ll be better on the other side.

This One is For the Fellas

Check this out. I have decided to ride with a purpose. I needed to DO something that was more than just doing for the sake of doing. I bought a road bike a few months ago because I decided that the way I was doing things wasn’t good enough. I bought it from a man who lived 30 miles away from me. He told me that it was his wife’s bike, but as it was a man’s bike, she found it too heavy and cumbersome. The conversation was brief because, after all, it was a simple transaction. But I did wonder why she wasn’t a part of the transaction. This guy could be telling me anything. It didn’t matter though. Cash in hand, sold.

Fast forward to this morning. I’ve decided to participate in a bike-a-thon. Ride 100 miles in 30 days to raise funds and awareness for childhood cancer. I don’t know any child with cancer. Only adults. And my love for those individuals goes far beyond wearing pink in the month of October. This ride was as much for me as it was for anyone else. It needed to be done. It gives me purpose. It also gives me time to think while I ride for what turns out to be only 40 minutes a day. And so I ride and I think.

At 5am every morning for the past three days, I have hydrated, and put on any purposeful gear I can find (i.e. apple watch, iPod, earpods, padded shorts, and an anti-wicking t-shirt) just so that I can maximize the fun of doing something. Pandora station selected and kickstand up. Sixty-two degrees and the streets are DARK at 5am! My goal is 5 miles. I plot my course and begin to record my vitals.

About 3 miles in I am feeling good. The music is right. I’ve got a bead of sweat on my brow and not a single worry in my mind. Off in the distance, I see headlights. A car is approaching. I don’t think anything of it. It passes. I ride. Another vehicle approaches. Again, with the exception of ensuring that I was safely on the shoulder of the road, I give absolutely no thought to my well-being nor the motive of the driver. It wasn’t until the third car passed that it occurred to me that if someone had stopped and tried to harm me, I might need a plan.

Fellas, this is a problem. Why? My train of thought shifted to, “what if I were a woman…?” Would it be safe for a woman to ride suburban streets at 5am wearing bike shorts and a t-shirt? How would she handle a potential threat? What could she do to stay safe? And before we even contemplate any of these answers, we must shift our thinking. Why should SHE have to be prepared for the worst (when we don’t)?

What if SHE was my wife? My daughter? My mother? Your wife, daughter, or mother?

Not only do we blame shift, but we overlook the fact that we are victims far less than our women. We don’t worry nearly as much about the husbands, sons, or fathers. Why is that?

I believe it’s because we have normalized that WE are less likely to be a victim–that no one would dare attempt to abduct one of us. And yet we don’t have those conversations with our sons. We don’t discuss it amongst ourselves. How many stories has your father shared with you about that time when he had to run for his life (or fight for his safety)? I’m guessing that there weren’t too many stories to tell. Pride? Or lack of actual occurrence?

Why don’t we instill in our children that there are dangers to our women? Why don’t we caution them the same way we would warn of the dangers of a wet hand near an electrical socket or the realities of fast-moving cars across busy intersections?

Shouldn’t we be teaching and reinforcing to our men NOT to victimize women? I know you think we do, but we don’t do it enough!

These are not rhetorical questions. I need answers. We need change.

B💗M Scholarship

I spent my formidable years in Buffalo. Facebook allows me to keep in touch with my preteen crew (go figure). When the Topps incident occurred, I got several notifications marking them “as safe.”

Our conversations led to developing a means to help youth who do NOT live within our view. For me, it was a reminder that injustice can be anywhere. Therefore empathy must be fostered everywhere.

This scholarship is for a youth in Buffalo. My colleagues are helping me with this endeavor. When we meet our goal, I will help them create an opportunity elsewhere. And we will continue to grow…through love, through matter, through life.

It’s a worthy cause and an unique approach, don’t you think?

Winner, Status Quo!

Today the status quo won. Today the entitled celebrate an outcome and proclaim justice has been served. Today 17 year olds who wear their Second Amendment rights as a badge of courage are validated. Today vigilantes are proud.

There’s no coincidence that those who wanted to “make America great again” feel vindicated while those “building back better” feel defeated. What’s next will either be called a rally or a riot (depending on who is calling the plays). Others are warning that this is not political!

But today is a day that hypocrisy and irony clash! It is political. Everything that has to change (and everything that will stay the same) hinges on the laws that must be analyzed.

Those who think justice has been served don’t really want 17 year olds arming themselves in any season—not when school is in session nor when shoppers are dodging bullets in Walmarts and suburban malls. They don’t really want vigilante justice as long as the laws on the books protect their lifestyles.

It is only “justice” when the outcome is what we want—not what is right or just. The real miscarriage is the philosophy that has been perverted. Words have new meaning and sentiment changes with the wind.

Whomever feels that this land is their land will proclaim that this land is made for you and me (but mostly ME). Bias and entitlement are sewn into every transgression. Therefore the “broken” systems that we rally against are working precisely how they were designed. And since the outcome was favorable for conservative folks, they are likely to miss how damaging the Rittenhouse Verdict will be for them and their families.

How so? A 17 year old armed with automatic weapons in their neighborhood is gearing up for the next protest. A parent who wants their boy to grow up and force change on their world is online RIGHT NOW looking for that assault rifle that will make the perfect holiday gift. And any January 6th Insurgence “empathizer” is pounding their chest as they apply another American flag with a thin blue line decal on their window.

These are the tell-tale signs that the system is working the way it was designed. This is proof that patriots will pledge allegiance to their flag and insist that you do it too.

Today, the courts composed of a old-fashioned judge, a skilled prosecutor, and a clever defense attorney worked in concert to defend an American son who was doing his duty to defend retailers and neighborhoods in a town that is not his own. The jury composed of his peers (and diluted of victims) set him free because they too would have done the same as he did.

Today, the status quo won. Some are sad to see it, but they are not surprised.

Back Pedal

I used to encourage my students to watch the news. I believed that developing an awareness of the world around us was key to enlightenment. But this was before there were hundreds of cable channels, social media, or hand-held devices.

I’m reluctant now. As I plan my lessons and seek meaningful connections to the world around us, I am disappointed. The news stories solidify a revelation. They undo the beliefs that we live in a righteous world. Much of what we believed decades ago is melting away as new “truths” surface.

The tip of the iceberg

This is not just about social issues. Science redefines what we believed. The way we describe our economy challenges the math that we learned in high school. We complain that what we’ve learned has not prepared us for this, and yet we don’t know how to prepare the next generation for the damage that we are doing right now to our own world.

Last week a submarine collided with an unidentified object. The incident was blamed on maneuvers made in “uncharted waters.” The idea that we still have waters that are uncharted challenges our confidence that we know our world. Well of course we don’t know everything about our planet (yet).

We haven’t developed a way to get to the deepest part of the ocean. But we still send “explorers and adventurers” into the stratosphere 68 miles above the surface! Sixty-eight miles?!? The drive from Philadelphia to New York is longer than that!

And speaking of Blue Origin, the civilian space capsule sent up with Jeff Bezo’s crew last month, a member of that crew recently died in an aviation accident after living his dream of exploring the stratosphere. Ironic? Probably not. But the crash site is somewhere along the route between Philadelphia and New York.

Do you remember 18 months ago when a military medical ship was anchored in New York harbor to care for the COVID patients who could not receive care in the numerous NYC hospitals? What happened to the survivors? Where’s that story? We hailed the heroes who cared for them long before the ship lifted anchor. There were some survivors weren’t there? By the way, wasn’t that the same harbor that Captain Sully saved 155 souls by landing Flight 1549 atop of the Hudson?

Life and death take place within yards of each other.

Depth is just height in reverse

Back to COVID for a moment. Have you considered that the push to administer booster shots is simply a way to disburse leftover vaccines? Or perhaps we actually didn’t know enough about the virus before mass marketing a vaccine that has marginal effectiveness. No judgement yet. It’s too soon to judge.

(just like it was too soon to “infect” 79% of the population with a few ounces of miracle juice)

And what happened to “herd immunity?” We don’t speak much about that anymore. And social distancing? And who bought stock in plexiglass and N90 masks? Is there still a shortage?

And speaking of shortages, they warn that Christmas might be cancelled this year because of supply shortages caused by COVID, labor disparities, and computer chips (for new cars). My student exclaimed, “how can they cancel a holiday that is based on a religion?” I gave him an “A” for the day!

There’s a lot of back pedaling. We don’t have to look back 400 years to see the derailment of North American civilization. We are still derailing ourselves and our children. The difference is that now we are supposed to know better.

There’s a lot of irony AND hypocrisy in the world today. We air it on NBC, ABC, and CBS daily. And then there is the fake news which simply uses the real news as a springboard to create realistic fiction. No matter what we believe, we’ll have a chance to back pedal tomorrow.

Last week I took a jog in a white neighborhood. I survived. Was I fortunate? #AhmaudArbery. Meanwhile, the judge in the Rittenhouse Trial is offering the jury the option to find little ol’ Kyle guilty of a lesser crime. Get your riot gear ready. Oh but be careful of “warnings” because the fellow who warned America the day before the January 6th Insurrection failed to adhere to a Congressional subpoena …

Back pedal

Everyday we back pedal. No apologies. We just tell a new story that contradicts yesterdays story. Do we ever get tired of it?

ABC News reported live from Antarctica all week to demonstrate first-hand that the polar caps are melting and that several species of penguins are now endangered. But “it’s not too late to fix it all.” Meanwhile by choosing electric cars over petroleum fueled cars, we give license to eradicate the Amazon Forest to mine for the materials needed for lithium batteries. Don’t we need the forests to reverse the carbon footprint we’ve been leaving? Only 100 years ago, we thought that fossil fuels were the way to go?

I’m confused. But I won’t be so absolute. Tomorrow, we will back pedal some more.

Autonomy

Autonomy

Coming soon…The Angry Educator

Coming soon…The Angry Educator

Cleaning Out My Albums