Bah Humbug

Do you know what an alternate narrative is?

Consider someone embracing a belief their whole life to one day learn that everything they believed to be true was in fact not true. Not only can that be devastating, it may also be very humbling.

To children, Santa Clause is the protagonist. He’s their hero at Christmas time. Some parents use the tale of good Ol’ Chris Kringle to coerce their children to be mindful of their own behavior. “Santa is watching…” they’ll remind these kids. Exploitation, I call it. Taking advantage of a child’s naivety!

Shucks! Other parents insist on getting all of the recognition for the toys they struggle to put under the tree. The gall of even hinting that some mythical creature could get credit for undertaking such a task at one of the toughest financial times of the year. To them, it is preposterous! My parents certainly weren’t having it!

“Santa?? I bought these gifts! Now share with your little sister!!” they’d say. I don’t even have a little sister!!!

Here’s another altered narrative:

“It’s better to give than to receive…” Sounds convincing. It’s a noble idea. I say it’s better to re-gift unneeded presents. You may gasp, but do you know what’s more practical than throwing thoughtful gifts away? I’ll tell you…Finding a new home for them and saving me the effort of buying you a gift that you don’t need! If gift giving is supposed to be symbolic, let’s bring back the fruitcake!

And the children…

The cute little believers (of whatever we tell them) grow a sense of entitlement as they pen LISTS of gifts they hope to receive. They are not that gullible, but they know an opportunity when they see it. The cleverest kids know to ride that Santa train until the wheels fall off. It’s the naive ones that are devastated when they learn the truth…

Just the other day some kid mocked me by suggesting that I looked like the Black Santa. Bah Humbug!

“Is Santa real?”

“Of course he is, kid! I am Santa!!!

“Haven’t you heard the song? I was kissing your mom last night. Didn’t you see me??? Ho! Ho! Hoe!

Don’t get me started on how that song ruined my earliest understandings of how single moms meet the demands of their children whilst juggling the child support from varying fathers. That’s right! I said it! Bah humbug!

I wish I would catch some dude impersonating a reverse-thief. Breaking and entering to gently place gifts under an over-decorated tree. The family pets would have a field day with this guy.

For Heaven sake, must we perpetuate lies to the same kids that we insist on developing discerning minds? Who do these holiday tales really serve? To be honest with you, I’m glad my kids are grown. I pray they don’t cast this crap on their own kids one day. Do grand-moms ever tire of wiping the tears away once the truth comes out. I bet grandpa doesn’t. Bah humbug!

The best Christmas story EVER is the Christmas Carol. Good Ol’ Ebineezer wasn’t entirely wrong about wasting money on foolish things. If only one of those ghosts could have massaged the idea of hand-made gifts.

Tiny Tim’s ailment was a common one for even wealthy families back on Jolly Ol’ England. Money doesn’t cure birth defects, disease, or injuries. Faith, love, and compassion is all you need. Well, maybe a little health insurance and a good doctor wouldn’t hurt.

But let’s not loose focus here.

Santa is part of a belief system. Akin to religious ideals, a child’s belief in Santa is not much different to an adult’s belief in Christ, Buddha, Mohammed, or the Hindu…protagonist. Forgive me. My ignorance wains. Do Buddhists have a watered down juvenile tale by which they indoctrinate their children? I’m asking for a friend (that friend being my inner most uncaring self). How about Muslims? Do they lie to their kids too? Don’t get me started on how other religions guilt their kids. You know which ones I’m referring to…

Bah humbug!

If reading this has somehow offended you, I’m intrigued that you’ve suppressed your triggers to read this far. For the record, it’s neither an indictment of religion nor a criticism of beliefs. In fact, it’s cynicism. Only that! Well that and an excuse to say Bah Humbug a few more times.

Alternative narratives offer us a chance to consider a story from a different perspective. If you think that is crude and radical, than Bah Humbug to you too! Now bring me some figgy pudding. 🎅