It’s never too late? Why do we speak in absolutes? Never! Ever? Surely there are exceptions to the rule. Perhaps the word never mere suggests an unlikeliness…
For instance, when someone gets caught doing something that they should not have done, they say, I’ll never do that again. And then the very next time…
We’ll you know.
I once ended a three year relationship with lovely young woman for whom I cared deeply. Sadly we weren’t meant for one another. I ended the relationship. She immediate met, courted, and married another man. I was shocked to say the least. A plethora of emotions flooded my mind. In disbelief I surrendered that I could never have been that guy. After all, he was the complete opposite of me. He was unmotivated, had no responsibilities, was in poor health, insecure, macho yet very dependent. I…was not.
I asked myself, could I have been him? Could I have thrown all caution to the wind and marry someone I’d just met?
I contemplated what I had believed. Perhaps I was wrong all along. Maybe I was standing in the way of her finding her true love all along without realizing it. But had I lost my friend too?
I dangerously proceeded to contact her. First by phone, then by text, until I realized that I should leave it alone. It was when I began to disconnect on social media (because it was too easy to lurk), she reached out to me. I was elated. But her disclaimer left me feeling worthless.
She gently explained that she’d moved on. And although she too wished we could be friends, her new lover wouldn’t allow it. We could never speak again.
Well that seemed a bit drastic, but I figured that he was the possessive type. Hmph! Well, I surely wasn’t.
Well anyone who’s loved and lost knows that the following weeks (or months) after the relationship can be brutal with every song, movie, and television scenario reminding former lovers of what they had (or wished they had) in the broken relationship. So erasing her from my memory wasn’t likely. But no one said that that we’d never think of each other again.
But the more I lingered the more I began to hurt. I didn’t hurt because I missed her though. I was happy for her (and maybe a little jealous of him). I recognized that I lost an important person in my life. The loss hurt. The inability to figure it out…The disappointment in myself for making a bad decision OR the disappointment that I’d waited too long to get out…these all prolonged my recovery.
I made the decision to end it, but I was frustrated with a situation that I took charge of. How could I have been so wrong? I’ll never do that again.
Well, here’s the thing about never. If you can never speak to someone again or never see them again, it’s like they’re dead to you (or you’re dead to them). Death is very final. Death is absolute!
To resurrect anything after death is to reverse never. Resurrection requires faith! But… not everyone possesses enough faith to make ANYthing absolute.
Take a moment to ponder the most important resurrections that you know of. Now consider how often never is reversed. Is death really final? And does never mean anything at all?!?
To never interact with someone again suggests suspension of disbelief. It requires plausible deniability. It requires…leaving it alone FORever. And that’s a really long time! 😳
It’s like someone is dead to you. You’ll likely never see them again. The likeliness varies just how absolute never can be. And that’s the point. The finality of the real ends in the real. For in the virtual, the imaginary, or in the subconscious, there is no finality; there is no death; and there is no never.
e living in? Even our dream-filled slumber eventually comes to an end. We must wake from our dreams. We must abandon the imaginary and work within the tangible. We must let dead things die. Or…never say never again.